Wait, Why Did I Want A Job?

My last blog post was all blah, blah, blah, poor me, I can’t find a job. At least 14 of you were smart enough to stop and remind me Why do you even want a job again? To that I have to say: excellent point! Touché!And so, to counter pity with jealousy, here are my top 5 reasons why I actually love NOT having a job:

• Reason #1: I have a sugar daddy. No joke, Florian literally walked up to me the other day and handed me 200 Swiss Francs (~$230). Sidenote: I think he felt bad about my not-being-able-to-find-a-job post, so maybe I should write mad and sad blogs more often? Flo told me to “blow the money on whatever I want” including, but not limited to, extra cocktails with the girls, a massage, a new purse or new shoes. He made sure to instruct me “not to waste it on groceries or everyday items.” Added bonus: as an American, I can’t open a Swiss bank account (because they think I’m trying to launder all of my money… as in, all $5,000 of it). So, as long as the FBI remains incompetent and won’t send my background check to the Swiss immigration office, I have a legit excuse why I can’t spend any of my own money and why I have to spend his. Score!
• Reason #2: I spend my days laughing like a 12 year old boy when I discover new, hilarious words in German. Maybe it’s the accents here but seriously tell me right now that you wouldn’t crack up hearing words like Ausfahrt (exit), Dick (fat), Rathaus(City Hall), and Muckefuck (Coffee substitute). Plus, I also love when the Germans try to use an English word and just spell it differently in their language. IQ Test: Can you guess what these words are? Try saying them out loud: Sellerie, Ingenieur, Likör , Reis. Bonus point for this one: Dschungel. I also find myself endlessly amused when German phrases are translated incorrectly into English, like when Florian told me he wanted to impregnate his new leather jacket. I obviously had to wonder whether my husband was secretly into necrophiliac beasility, but it turns out he just wanted to waterproof the thing. Almost funnier than the whole corsage incident with my mother-in-law.
• Reason #3: Three little syllables… Si-es-ta. What more do I need to say? And I can call them that and not be a poseur since I’m European now, right? Anyway, I’m not sure why Americans got rid of nap time after Kindergarten but I’ve now reclaimed it as an important part of my daily routine.
• Reason #4: I can eat Nutella at an appropriate time. Probably this wouldn’t make anyone else’s Top Reasons Not To Have a Job list, but I almost considered putting it at #1. First of all, I love chocolate. I like to blame my addiction on my childhood, since I can’t say I grew up in the healthiest of households. Obviously having the best mom ever, mine used to give me a bowl of ice cream as my “afterschool snack” before letting me eat pizza for dinner. Yum! Now, I’m a little more restrained with my eating (don’t laugh, I said a little!) and I have to be strategic about when I can savor delicious foods. In the mornings, Nutella is too sweet for me (Real Housewife secret: I eat old people Fiber cereal for breakfast). And coming home late from work meant that if I ate Nutella after dinner, it would instantly suction to my already-curvy hips and thighs. Therefore, the science of eating Nutella correctly is to eat it in the early afternoon, when it still has time to digest and wear off before turning to sugary fat. At least, that’s what I tell myself. And I have spent many an afternoon testing my theory.
• Reason #5: Remembering that I am still literate. I was a zombie for the last 6 years, churning out hundreds of PowerPoint presentations and concise-bullet-point business emails. I yearned to read actual books, but who had the time? Even with all my trips on airplane, I couldn’t manage to get a book read (since my airplane narcolepsy always kicked in before the safety announcements were even made). Since I’ve been in Switzerland, I’ve read 47 books. FORTY-SEVEN. Ok, I actually have no clue but that seemslike how many I’ve read. I’m not sure if I can count the audio books I listen to on the bus, so my number may be slightly inflated, but it’s basically fifty books. Or sixty-ish.

I’m really curious to know what other people would love about not working (would there be a Nutella shortage if we all didn’t work?). Tell me what you’d love!!!!! I’m always open to new suggestions about how much more to love life 🙂

Wait, Why Did I Want A Job?

My last blog post was all blah, blah, blah, poor me, I can’t find a job. At least 14 of you were smart enough to stop and remind me Why do you even want a job again? To that I have to say: excellent point! Touché!And so, to counter pity with jealousy, here are my top 5 reasons why I actually love NOT having a job:

• Reason #1: I have a sugar daddy. No joke, Florian literally walked up to me the other day and handed me 200 Swiss Francs (~$230). Sidenote: I think he felt bad about my not-being-able-to-find-a-job post, so maybe I should write mad and sad blogs more often? Flo told me to “blow the money on whatever I want” including, but not limited to, extra cocktails with the girls, a massage, a new purse or new shoes. He made sure to instruct me “not to waste it on groceries or everyday items.” Added bonus: as an American, I can’t open a Swiss bank account (because they think I’m trying to launder all of my money… as in, all $5,000 of it). So, as long as the FBI remains incompetent and won’t send my background check to the Swiss immigration office, I have a legit excuse why I can’t spend any of my own money and why I have to spend his. Score!
• Reason #2: I spend my days laughing like a 12 year old boy when I discover new, hilarious words in German. Maybe it’s the accents here but seriously tell me right now that you wouldn’t crack up hearing words like Ausfahrt (exit), Dick (fat), Rathaus(City Hall), and Muckefuck (Coffee substitute). Plus, I also love when the Germans try to use an English word and just spell it differently in their language. IQ Test: Can you guess what these words are? Try saying them out loud: Sellerie, Ingenieur, Likör , Reis. Bonus point for this one: Dschungel. I also find myself endlessly amused when German phrases are translated incorrectly into English, like when Florian told me he wanted to impregnate his new leather jacket. I obviously had to wonder whether my husband was secretly into necrophiliac beasility, but it turns out he just wanted to waterproof the thing. Almost funnier than the whole corsage incident with my mother-in-law.
• Reason #3: Three little syllables… Si-es-ta. What more do I need to say? And I can call them that and not be a poseur since I’m European now, right? Anyway, I’m not sure why Americans got rid of nap time after Kindergarten but I’ve now reclaimed it as an important part of my daily routine.
• Reason #4: I can eat Nutella at an appropriate time. Probably this wouldn’t make anyone else’s Top Reasons Not To Have a Job list, but I almost considered putting it at #1. First of all, I love chocolate. I like to blame my addiction on my childhood, since I can’t say I grew up in the healthiest of households. Obviously having the best mom ever, mine used to give me a bowl of ice cream as my “afterschool snack” before letting me eat pizza for dinner. Yum! Now, I’m a little more restrained with my eating (don’t laugh, I said a little!) and I have to be strategic about when I can savor delicious foods. In the mornings, Nutella is too sweet for me (Real Housewife secret: I eat old people Fiber cereal for breakfast). And coming home late from work meant that if I ate Nutella after dinner, it would instantly suction to my already-curvy hips and thighs. Therefore, the science of eating Nutella correctly is to eat it in the early afternoon, when it still has time to digest and wear off before turning to sugary fat. At least, that’s what I tell myself. And I have spent many an afternoon testing my theory.
• Reason #5: Remembering that I am still literate. I was a zombie for the last 6 years, churning out hundreds of PowerPoint presentations and concise-bullet-point business emails. I yearned to read actual books, but who had the time? Even with all my trips on airplane, I couldn’t manage to get a book read (since my airplane narcolepsy always kicked in before the safety announcements were even made). Since I’ve been in Switzerland, I’ve read 47 books. FORTY-SEVEN. Ok, I actually have no clue but that seemslike how many I’ve read. I’m not sure if I can count the audio books I listen to on the bus, so my number may be slightly inflated, but it’s basically fifty books. Or sixty-ish.

I’m really curious to know what other people would love about not working (would there be a Nutella shortage if we all didn’t work?). Tell me what you’d love!!!!! I’m always open to new suggestions about how much more to love life 🙂

Wait, Why Did I Want A Job?

My last blog post was all blah, blah, blah, poor me, I can’t find a job. At least 14 of you were smart enough to stop and remind me Why do you even want a job again? To that I have to say: excellent point! Touché!And so, to counter pity with jealousy, here are my top 5 reasons why I actually love NOT having a job:

• Reason #1: I have a sugar daddy. No joke, Florian literally walked up to me the other day and handed me 200 Swiss Francs (~$230). Sidenote: I think he felt bad about my not-being-able-to-find-a-job post, so maybe I should write mad and sad blogs more often? Flo told me to “blow the money on whatever I want” including, but not limited to, extra cocktails with the girls, a massage, a new purse or new shoes. He made sure to instruct me “not to waste it on groceries or everyday items.” Added bonus: as an American, I can’t open a Swiss bank account (because they think I’m trying to launder all of my money… as in, all $5,000 of it). So, as long as the FBI remains incompetent and won’t send my background check to the Swiss immigration office, I have a legit excuse why I can’t spend any of my own money and why I have to spend his. Score!
• Reason #2: I spend my days laughing like a 12 year old boy when I discover new, hilarious words in German. Maybe it’s the accents here but seriously tell me right now that you wouldn’t crack up hearing words like Ausfahrt (exit), Dick (fat), Rathaus(City Hall), and Muckefuck (Coffee substitute). Plus, I also love when the Germans try to use an English word and just spell it differently in their language. IQ Test: Can you guess what these words are? Try saying them out loud: Sellerie, Ingenieur, Likör , Reis. Bonus point for this one: Dschungel. I also find myself endlessly amused when German phrases are translated incorrectly into English, like when Florian told me he wanted to impregnate his new leather jacket. I obviously had to wonder whether my husband was secretly into necrophiliac beasility, but it turns out he just wanted to waterproof the thing. Almost funnier than the whole corsage incident with my mother-in-law.
• Reason #3: Three little syllables… Si-es-ta. What more do I need to say? And I can call them that and not be a poseur since I’m European now, right? Anyway, I’m not sure why Americans got rid of nap time after Kindergarten but I’ve now reclaimed it as an important part of my daily routine.
• Reason #4: I can eat Nutella at an appropriate time. Probably this wouldn’t make anyone else’s Top Reasons Not To Have a Job list, but I almost considered putting it at #1. First of all, I love chocolate. I like to blame my addiction on my childhood, since I can’t say I grew up in the healthiest of households. Obviously having the best mom ever, mine used to give me a bowl of ice cream as my “afterschool snack” before letting me eat pizza for dinner. Yum! Now, I’m a little more restrained with my eating (don’t laugh, I said a little!) and I have to be strategic about when I can savor delicious foods. In the mornings, Nutella is too sweet for me (Real Housewife secret: I eat old people Fiber cereal for breakfast). And coming home late from work meant that if I ate Nutella after dinner, it would instantly suction to my already-curvy hips and thighs. Therefore, the science of eating Nutella correctly is to eat it in the early afternoon, when it still has time to digest and wear off before turning to sugary fat. At least, that’s what I tell myself. And I have spent many an afternoon testing my theory.
• Reason #5: Remembering that I am still literate. I was a zombie for the last 6 years, churning out hundreds of PowerPoint presentations and concise-bullet-point business emails. I yearned to read actual books, but who had the time? Even with all my trips on airplane, I couldn’t manage to get a book read (since my airplane narcolepsy always kicked in before the safety announcements were even made). Since I’ve been in Switzerland, I’ve read 47 books. FORTY-SEVEN. Ok, I actually have no clue but that seemslike how many I’ve read. I’m not sure if I can count the audio books I listen to on the bus, so my number may be slightly inflated, but it’s basically fifty books. Or sixty-ish.

I’m really curious to know what other people would love about not working (would there be a Nutella shortage if we all didn’t work?). Tell me what you’d love!!!!! I’m always open to new suggestions about how much more to love life 🙂