Anyone who asked me how I was doing a week ago, I probably gave a terse response of “Oh, I’m doing okay” and then tried to change the conversation. Truth is, I was overwhelmed. So many changes, so many uncertainties. Where do I call home now? San Diego? New York? Switzerland? None of them were, and with the postponement of the wedding, none of them were ruled out as home either. Add my Dad being sick, trying to keep up with work, trying to pack up and say goodbye (maybe) to people in San Diego, and trying to make it up to everyone for the cancelled wedding, I was really testing my strength. I spent time worrying about Florian’s feelings and how he felt starting our future family amidst all these fiascos, and worrying that this test may be too much for our relationship to bear. It really wasn’t easy.
But if you ask me how I’m doing today, I’ll enthusiastically answer that I’m excited and ready! Florian was so loving and supportive throughout it all (he even did things like walk my Dad to the bathroom while I napped!) and I’ve become closer to him and my family because of this. I’m in the eye of the storm, with the knowledge that there are definitely more frazzling storms ahead, but in this moment I have to sit back in awe and look at how far I’ve come. This move was a dream 6 months ago that seemed distant, yet here I am, moving away from San Diego in under 3 weeks (July 6th is my last day here) and spending more time with my family than I have in the last few years combined. Scarysadexcitingweirdfundizzyingwhirlwindlovely.
Next week I may begin crying as I start to miss Bella (who’s leaving for Switzerland with Florian this Saturday), say goodbye to my favorite restaurant in Little Italy, take my last sip of cheap California wine, and as I say auf wiedersehen to speaking English, but I have the comfort of knowing that this storm is worth weathering.