This week brought with it the meme seen ’round the world about actual Facebook Graph search results. Sidenote: I hate that everyone uses the word meme. Nobody can ever pronounce it, it’s sort of hard to define, and I just think we could come up with something better. Anything is better. You’ll probably love the “Mothers of Jews who like Bacon” search as much as I did.
But actually, I finally got access to graph search and played around and it just wasn’t that exciting. I tried to bust some friends for liking Justin Bieber but nothing showed up. Way more entertaining to me is when I, just like every other blogger, obsessively occassionally look through my blog web analytics and see what terms people have searched to find my blog. Of course, many of the searches are normal and boring people are just searching for things like my name or Zurich or something common like book recommendations. But there are a few gems that seriously make me laugh, moan, groan, and feel the urge to share publicly.
- already married etiquette wedding: I mean, they probably meant that they had been married once before but got divorced or something, right? And not that they’re currently married and planning a wedding to another person?
- If you won the lottery speaking activity. I want to meet the guy who is so confident he will win the lottery that he’s already preparing his speech.
- mozel for real. I don’t even know what this means but I imagine one of the guys from the Nice Jewish Guys calendar were trying to be pretty fly for a white guy.
- bitches zurich: Did anyone else in their heads just tell Schmidt he has to go put a dollar in the Douche Bag jar right now??
- freddy krueger face. And there were two different searches using these terms!
- women belong in the kitchen. Definitely a guy from Arkansas or West Virginia. Definitely going to be divorced at least twice. Probably is a prison guard or at least owns several guns.
- as a woman i believe i should just be a housewife: OMG OMG OMG I should start a dating service here! Ms. Women Should Be Just A Housewife, meet Mr. Women Belong In The Kitchen. You’re welcome, please invite me to the wedding.
- why would a dogs half face paralysis and half face paralyzed: TAKE YOUR DOG TO THE VET ASAP. Or if you’re the 2 people that searched “half face paralyzed” and didn’t include the word dog, take your mom or sister or whoever to the hospital. Seriously? GO! Google should not be used in cases of medical emergencies!
- i’m an adult and parent’s don’t let me stay out late. I suspect it’s a 20-something with no job who’s sleeping on the couch and gaming during the day. Rough life, having your parents still pay your bills and cook your dinner and do your laundry.
- never let me go is overrated. Sounds like someone got schooled at book club and wanted some witty comebacks for the next meeting to discuss exactly why this book was so bad. Or they wanted to know if they should just watch the movie instead of reading the book?
- housewife cute dog. Sounds like the start of a bad online dating ad or a cheesy RomCom. Or both. But still goes with my idea of monetizing my blog as a dating website. Score! Because the RomCom version didn’t work when they tried it, even when it was starring John Cusack!!!
- hot housewife party. This one got me really curious, so I googled it myself. Turns out my suspicions were right, the search turns up mostly porn! Most men probably imagine Hugh Hefner’s house as a good example of how women should act.
- dumb people. Should I be offended that this lead to my blog?
- aunty pregnant by nephew. Jerry, Jerry!
